woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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