it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
