Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
