Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
