Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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