why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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