y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
