the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am available for nakedness
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
