easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
