guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
COCAINE IS GR8
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
