Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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