I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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