I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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