I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
