4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
