The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
