Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
