dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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