she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
