I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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