Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.