im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You can't special order awesome
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
