i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
