And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
