yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
