I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I need moral support for this bender
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
