the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
