You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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