Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
