Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
