Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
