o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
