i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
