Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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