he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
