Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
