ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
