Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
