he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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