i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
