we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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