Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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