he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
