just tell him i said nine months
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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