I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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