I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
