I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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