I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
