allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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