Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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