Having a random hookup so left but love u
We got so high we made milksteak
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
