My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
