i just wanna soil my oats bro
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
