whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
