The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
