i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
