I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
