If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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