I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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