she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
