Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
