the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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