I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
