Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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