I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
